


Bless the children and give them triumph

by melliyna



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-18
Updated: 2009-12-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 14:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melliyna/pseuds/melliyna





	Bless the children and give them triumph

  
  
  
**Entry tags:** |   
[fandom: criminal minds](http://melliyna.livejournal.com/tag/fandom:+criminal+minds), [fic](http://melliyna.livejournal.com/tag/fic), [pairing: gen](http://melliyna.livejournal.com/tag/pairing:+gen), [rating: r](http://melliyna.livejournal.com/tag/rating:+r)  
  
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_**[Fic: Criminal Minds: Bless The Children And Given Them Trimuph]**_  
**Title:** Bless the children and give them triumph  
**Author:** [](http://melliyna.livejournal.com/profile)[**melliyna**](http://melliyna.livejournal.com/)  
**Fandom:** Criminal Minds  
**Pairing:** Gen  
**Rating:** R  
**Word Count:** 1,000  
**Disclaimer:** These characters are not my creation, I merely borrow and make no money from  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** Character death, implied sexual assault/torture, themes  
**A/N:** Title is from _The Libation Bearers_ by Aeschylus. My first foray in to Criminal Minds, feel no need to be gentle.

 

Hotch is mom, which okay, the pronouns get some weird looks but it's always made sense. That's how this family works, this lost little family. They've found one, lost another, even Morgan.

JJ looks at the files on her desk and thinks, we shared this. She's the big sister, the one who helps to keep the younger ones out of trouble, out of the burden and that means files. Decisions, deadlines, photos and faces and you decide which one gets a chance. And she never asked Hotch, do you remember them all? How many did you cushion for me? But then of course, Hotch wouldn't have hidden them, not exactly. But he would have been there, making things easier, putting things in to words that says "you're doing it right, JJ."

She never asked him, but then, you don't ask your parents if they are okay. Because mom is mom and he's always okay, always there for you and always present.

Even though she's seen it in practice a thousand times, you never think it'll happen to you, but Hotch is absent from life and boom, JJ has to try and hold them all together and all she can think is 'this needs Hotch.'

 

-

Baby Reid. Even with all the nightmares he's had, he never had this one.

You've always got Hotch - to rail against, to be reassured by, to count off the number of times he smiles without actually smiling, to view the correctness of ties. Hotch is not an adjective for abandonment, but for presence.

Sometimes, sometimes Spencer Reid likes being the youngest and hates being a genius who remembers. Because he can see every moment of Hotch behind his eyes, can watch him die and analyze the motivations, the progression, the scene of crime. Whether death was a relief and what that says about the last moments of life. No one gave him the file, but Reid knows anyway because it's what he does. This, this should be the time when addiction starts looking like an excellent means of escape, but it's not. He might feel the pull, but it's not an escape.

Reid will never escape this, no matter what poison ends up in his system.

-

Batman doesn't go down. It's the Goddamn Batman. Superheroes don't die, they have cliffhangers and that's the rules, Garcia wants to yell. Except of course, there's Captain America and then there's Hotch and someone. somewhere just killed the hero because they like to screw with the narrative. She rubs her glasses, wishes there was someone she could complain too or organize a boycott for. Even though she knows you can't bring him back with signatures, it would have been nice to try. To believe she could try. That maybe, Penelope Garcia could be a real goddess for a moment and wind back the world.

She watched JJ make the phone-call no one else could even consider. She watched Emily compartmentalize herself and yet, not because Emily is one of them, always one of them. She wonders how JJ finds the words, tries not to look at Morgan, except when he comes over to hug her and damn, he's a good guy. A really good guy.

Later, they all agree on Looking After Reid, because he needs it, the kid brother. You might have old eyes and an old brain, but you're still the littlest and your big brother and sisters are going to look out for you this time.

-

Probably by looking out for Reid, they are finding a way to cope. Actually, Morgan is almost certain this is true. Basic displacement coping technique. That way, you don't have to face the direct tragedy and hell, in some ways he's past master at that particular technique. And he wishes, would pray if he could believe, but he wishes that he couldn't understand the unsub almost better than he does Hotch.

Don't you always wish that you'd spent more time on a parent, when they go. And yet, you always live with those might have been - the conversations never had, the details that were never explored, the reasons that you never gave. He's sure they've all got a few amends they'd like to make, if given time over. But you don't, you get what you are given and you deal with it, decently.

Walk with compassion and remember the differences. And never think of Hotch as a victim. Except he is, whispers a nasty voice in Morgan. Not a survivor, not one of the ones who made it, who we could save. He joined the unquiet dead that will haunt our dreams, sleeping and waking.

-

Elle is somewhere, still trying to disappear and halfway succeeding when she gets the news and finds herself half dialing a number that she really should have forgotten. Puts the phone down, goes back to the beach because she lost her right to grieve, to grieve with them and to give condolences along with her badge. She's walked out, but she didn't lose the nightmares or the need to cherish her gun or even, sometimes the certainty that she did the right thing entirely.

She wonders if Gideon is alive to know and kind of hopes he isn't, actually. Because what the hell else is that going to do, if not just push him further over the edge of broken personality. Gideon, who could not save himself. Elle, who saved and damned herself, in an strange kind of way. She wonders if Reid is okay, because she always wonders if Reid is okay. She doesn't think, are the others thinking of me, is the person who replaced me going to punch walls, hunt down the unsub, know the language of sex crimes the way I do, except that she does, of course.

Elle would have saved Hotch, but she damned him by her absence, Elle is sure.


End file.
